I have been writing for so much of my life. Sharing my writing with the world, on the other hand, has been such a fraught journey.
There was always so much fear in sharing what I wanted to say. I dealt with this for a long time by covering up what I wanted to say in a wrapper that felt socially acceptable. Neat essays that package ideas into something that Adds Value to people, or flowery language that hides behind the veneer of poetry.
I have so many ideas, every day. They feel like they are bursting out of me like fresh shoots in a garden that is constantly growing. And so few of them get to see the light, because of how scary it is to just share what is … authentically here. Without any packaging, or posturing.
I know that we can feel the underlying energy behind people’s writing. And underneath most of my writing in the past, you may hear the energy of “I want this to be interesting so you’ll approve”. It’s a defense against the pure, vulnerable energy of: “Hi, it’s me, Amanda. This is who I am.”
This is a space for me to share: Hi, it’s me. This is what I want to say. This is what feels interesting, exciting, joyful, confusing, to me.
If you enjoy reading it, that will bring me joy. If you don’t, that’s okay.