I feel a bit embarrassed to write about this stuff, because it feels like just being like ‘wow I love my friends’ but my god, I love my friends.
I was recently at a circling gathering at my friends’ home. I sat down opposite a woman I didn’t know, felt my heart open, and found my soul (beyond, really, the knowing of my mind) permissioning her: Go for gold, babe.
She stared at me for a few minutes before pointing at a spot below my left rib, asking: What’s happening in that spot? and then proceeding to annihilate me through a core wound in about 10 minutes. I was trembling on the floor for the next little while but wow, I was a yes to it.
I was on a call with a friend recently. I was masked up, connecting with her in all the right ways, and I was getting away with it. Then she pauses, stares at me and is like, okay, what’s going on? Oh, my heart is closed and I can’t feel much, I say. How fun, she says. Let’s hang out there.
I adore that my friends don’t let me get away with shit. I love that they feel my masks and they’re like, hey, where are you? I love that they don’t settle for my pleasant exterior, they ask for my anger and my honesty.
We want you to rock the boat, my friends say from their living room floor. I crouch on the floor and growl back at them, letting out my inner wolf. They are enraptured.
My love language is being seen through all my bullshit. I looked around the circle of the gathering I was at, and felt everyone seeing each other. Really, truly, seeing. Willing to say the thing that no one wanted to say. Willing to say: Hey, I think you’re deflecting right now, or I want you to take up more space, or what are you afraid to let out?
This is a love letter to the experience of releasing something true and feeling everyone around me sigh out in relief, nod at me, and say: yes, that. That’s what needed to happen.
When everyone sees, there is nowhere to hide. You can try, but someone will feel you, will notice you, will ask you to step in, if you want to. And that is the kind of intimacy and connection that I am here on this earth for.